NEWS?

Here are the latest headlines that have me scratching my head as to what's really import in the news today...

Colorado Man Charged With Posing as Porn Inspector <~~~ Why didn't I think of this?

Prof Accused of Giving Higher Grades for Sexual Favors<~~~ Isn't this how it's usually done?

Hagel won't endorse McCain or Obama <~~~ Go ahead... Vote for a third party... Throw your vote away! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

BURGER KING Employee caught taking bath -- in restaurant sink! <~~~ At least he took one.

GOOGLE Street View captures drunk! <~~~ I was there for three days and nobody bothered to wake me up.

Gwyneth snubs benefit crowd <~~~ Bitch.

At 50, has Madonna surpassed the Beatles? <~~~ NO.

House-sized inflatable dog turd breaks moorings and escapes <~~~ Yeah, they'll do that.

Science close to revealing Invisible Man <~~~ Fools! You can't reveal him if you can't see him!

AND THE WINNER IS...

19 terrifying incidents involving fish <~~~ And only 8 of them happened to me.

-S